Tea & Crumpet

TEA & CRUMPET



Pre season Cricket training has begun...and boy is it different from England.

Let us compare.

Australia:

• Skills training every Sunday.
• Fitness training every Wednesday.

You don't come you don't play...no bull no excuses.

England:

• Nets on Sunday

Training schedule.

Australia:

Skills Training

• Turn up on time.
• Turn up fit and prepared.
• Warm up (supervised)
• Target sheets given. (Bowlers/Batsmen: weaknesses assessed during the season or from previous weeks training)
• Bowlers begin bowling.
• Batsmen have 15 mins in nets and 15 mins with bowling machine (supervised)
• Warm down.
• Coach talks to individual and later to whole squad.

England:

• Turn up.
• Try not to be too pissed. (But if you are no one cares)
• First there, or most pushy, pad up for a bat.
• Bowlers and the generally lazy/cowardly avoid batting. ("I'll wait till they are knackered)
• Batsmen slog or bat without direction.
• Bowlers try to bounce the bloke they least like (usually me).
• Lots of farting leaving vapour trails of the previous nights beer/curry.
• Younger/less important players get less bowling to face as by 1/2 way bowlers are tired and 'drift' off to talk to anyone who will listen.
• Captain takes the piss and watches only his favoured players.

Fitness Training.

Australia.

Every Wednesday

Circuit Training. (All with a Gym instructor.)

Warm up (Light jogging/Stretches)

Circuit 1 (In square. Run to each point and complete.)

1) 10xFour-count squat thrusts:

2) 10xPush-ups

3) 10xSit ups

4) 30 second rest

Repeat 10 times.

Circuit 2 (In Pairs)

50 jabs with left.

50 jabs with right.

50 hooks with left.

50 hooks with right.

50 straight kicks with left.

50 straight kicks with right.

50 rounhouse kicks with left

50 rounhouse kicks with right.

Circuit 3

Walk up steps. (30)

Run up steps.

Bound up two at a time.

Run up two at a time.

10 squats

Repeat 10 times

Pool Time

1400 metres swimming. (A 50 metre pool which are everywhere here. 50 In Western Australia. pop 2,000,000. Apparently their are 5 in the whole of the UK. pop 60,000,000)

I am by now so tired and behind the others that on my last length they are all encouraging me with shouts of "Tea and Crumpet" Why I don't know.

However Only me, the Pom. Showers!

However by now I am such a physical wreck I put on someone elses under pants. I only discover this when I get home..Back in the shower...

England

Training.

Jog round ground throw a few balls. Scratch own balls. Attempt to scratch mates balls.

Break wind. Plan nights drinking.

In the shower. Show everyone your balls.

How the hell did England win the Ashes

Stew