And they're Off

MATCH 1: October 11 2008
Venue: Heathridge Opponents: Western Suburbs

Team: SJ Gill T Charlton*P Dunkley E Wild S Young+A Long
BL Dunkley C Cooper JP Dunkley R Malcolm J Moller

Well the wait is over and the season has begun and wow we were.... BAD..... our first game saw us take the field in a, 'one day' 40 over competition...the team had so many new players I suggested name tags as a new playing kit idea.....The problem was, we had either men over 40.... Dunks...Gilly..Longy...or boys who haven't ever shaved.....Tom... Brandon...Scott...Jamie.... The lads in between...... had played so little that one asked when we were 'kicking off'.....oh Sh**....Think Dad's Army meets Harry potter, with the cast of Australia's got talent...making up the numbers.....OH S***

Well, we actually started quite well and managed to bowl the opposition team out for 94. Coops 5 wickets and Gilly 3 for 4... Rob a great catch on debut....OH SH** now we've upset them....we actually bowled really well and made up for lack of class and experience with good effort, team spirit, great bowling and fielding.

So during tea we should have been confident...however murmurs of "they have got enough" were heard...from our changing rooms!!!... So the chase began with youth and experience; Gilly and young Tom...well, 30 minutes later, Gilly (Me) was still standing at the one end of the wicket having watched 6 wickets fall for 20 runs....Oh S***...the shots were all awful and we never looked like chasing 94 and we didn't. Longy, (Picture a shorter, rounder Bruce Willis...yeah I know it's hard) was once again not out and showed that courage can take you a long way...Gilly was out soon playing a dreadful shot knowing that defence would have left him stranded and the team still 50 short....
The post match chat was a problem...to bowl them out was great...really great, but to give our wickets away so easily was shocking and more shocking because the lack of sensible batting.... we gave them wickets ...they didn't take them...

Coops tends the Bar while Jase, Rob and Scott prepare to drown their sorrows......

Club Gossip...James 'Ducky' Cornwell (Could be the best bowler in the Club) has let it slip that last season he was bowled 1st ball by a ten year old girl in a charity game...surprising thing is..... no one was surprised
Here we see the sad episode played out..... Oh maybe that's what distracted him....

Lord of the Dance

Hello blog fans.........Sorry for the delay life has been very busy....House hunting.....Work.....Kids sport...all of this makes for little time... although dancing still figures high for me ....Look... I was young.... I needed the money.......errr

Still this is a great place to be...although fuel is now $1.53...thats 75p a litre.....

James has recovered from a broken arm and has become quite the goalkeeper his team are top of the league and James is a very brave lad diving at peoples feet etc...my brother also broke his arm as did James mate Jack...here are Rob and James...

Stephen misses his family but has settled into a busy school and social life...parties, swimming and soccer....

Jackie is happy as she now has a new engagement ring....The original one was very small with tiny diamonds? and was frankly an embarassment...she now has a beaut 3/4 carat ring...and a smile.

And me well here I am happy at work...

Australia is great but I thought I would share some more strange observations.....news is generally pretty dull...(They have a dull prime minister....Kevin 'paint dry' Rudd) however their is always room for the eccentric story and character...like this true story from the West Australian newspaper.

It's never a good idea to get behind the wheel after a few drinks, especially nude. Apparently, it's also not advisable to drunkenly navigate a motorized wheelchair either!

This was evidenced recently when commuters on the Captain Cook Highway in Northeastern Australia were forced to swerve around a wheelchair during their commute.

Driving the chair was 64-year-old Lans Murphy, whose blood-alcohol content was six times the legal limit when authorities apprehended him. He was also nude."There are also other classes of vehicles that are subject to drink-driving laws," explained a police spokesperson. "People should be aware that drink-driving laws cover these kinds of vehicles, but also others like horses, skate boards, roller skates, and bicycles.
We once arrested an intoxicated person on a merry-go-round!"

Australia is great...........
They also have a local politician who did the following.......

WEST Australian Liberal leader Troy Buswell broke down in tears yesterday after admitting he sniffed the chair of a female staffer after a meeting in his office in late 2005, but he refused to stand down over his extraordinary behaviour.
Mr Buswell agreed that his actions were inappropriate and offensive, but he said he had strong support from his colleagues to remain leader.
He said it was up to voters to decide if he was fit to be premier but he had now modified his behaviour.
Just 24 hours after 13 times labelling the chair sniffing an "unsubstantiated, anonymous rumour" which he would not comment on, Mr Buswell finally admitted he sniffed the woman's chair seat after she got up so he could get a laugh from other staff.

Love.....Stew

Mother Lookin

Hello Blog fans....

This weekend in Australia it was mothers day and as Jackie missed out last year...(We left Aus in April, missing the UK event in March and also the Aussie one in May)...we decided to make it up to her by being good boys...we tidied the house brought presents (Day spa vouchers) and went for a meal...here is Stephens framed message for mum...ahhhhh

Football Update....Stephen has played two games at Micro Soccer as part of the Heathridge Soccer Club...No score is kept and the idea is fun and skill building...

James team has now won four in a row and is unbeaten. James has being playing in goal and won man of the match last week...this week they won 9-2......our gentle mild mannered boy becomes transformed when in goal and was overheard telling his defender to 'chin him' if the opposition player swore again....I don't know where he gets it from...

What with Football, Cricket , Swimming, golf and cross country we struggle to stay in....however watching 'winter' soccer when it is 25 degrees does have its compensations...

At Stephens school cross country awards they gave out 1st 2nd 3rd and 4th prizes...I don't think Mr 4th was too happy....

Australia is truly great at many things...however I have spotted a weakness...they can,t understand bad taste...As we have been house hunting we have witnessed some truly wonderful items of decorations and ornamentation...these are all true by the way...The one featuring James was a house we visited twice...the second time just to get the photo...how naughty are we.....

We witnessed carpeted toilet seats...art so bad you had nightmares for days...(note: bad artists cannot draw fingers or feet and find any excuse to hide this..people standing in water or wearing mittens is very common...just look next time..)...This picture was in a house seen on the same day as the house above ...how lucky was that..two pieces of tat in one day......(Note the Feet and hands...see what I mean...)

In one case...(genuine) a disturbing album cover..below...was placed on display....AND THIS IN A HOUSE THEY WERE TRYING TO SELL

The use of zany toilet roll covers has become an epidemic...the one below we were told by the agent was an Aboriginal lady...... God the Aussies really should apologise.....

LOVE STEW

Tooth Hurty

What a GREAT week... West Brom got promoted back to the Premier League which means I will be able to watch them every week on the TV...... I also had a comic moment you dream about. On Saturday I broke a tooth.....On sunday, I visited Dr Chin (a Chinese Dentist) ...the appointment time ......(Wait for it....)....2:30.....(Come on how funny is that)...More about Dentists later...

Their is something exciting about watching English football when you live in Australia. It is always dark outside, it is always late at night, or the early ours and I am usually alone...although I get texts throughout the game from agonised mates going through the torture of being a West Brom fan...comments like .."Why do I do this, they always let me down"...often followed by...."Yes I knew we'd do it"... I sometimes feel like a very distant agony aunt who is just as anxious herself...

I am so glad we are back..for myself my friends, but mostly for my boys, who still support the 'Albion', despite living in a country where only Man U... Liverpool..Arsenal...and Chelsea figure. I always get a lump in the throat when my boys wear their Albion shirts and proudly explain for the tenth time...'I support West Brom cus they are the greatest'. And now they are at least back in the big time...West Brom is mine...my Dad's..my brothers and lots of my families team and it links my boys to their 'black country' heritage and links them to my loved ones...They are proudly Irish and Catholic....like their mum and her great family but they are also black country lads like my Dad...Grandad..and Great Grandad...However I remind them supporting the Albion is like tooth ache at times...which brings me back to Dentists...

Growing up, I never had a problem going to the dentist. I, unlike most children who feared the sights, sounds, and smells of the dental office, actually enjoyed going. But as a 40+-old with sensitive teeth, a routine cleaning has become the bain of my existence.

To illustrate the point, I've made a list of what it was like to go to the dentist then and what it's like to go to the dentist now.

Then:There were plenty of comics to read in the waiting room. Beano/Dandy/Tiger and Scorcher , how I miss you!
Now:You're lucky if there's an issue of Newsweek from June '02.

Then:The Dentist had posters of cartoon characters happily brushing and flossing.
Now:The Dentist has posters of adult gingivitis and oral cancer. Bleeding gums and black teeth are not very appetizing before lunch.

Then:The Dentist used disclosing tablets that turned my teeth bright red in order to show me where the plaque was (and really, what 8-year-old boy wouldn't love to have red teeth?).
Now: The Dentist must've been a torturer in a former life because this lady can scrape and prod like nobody's business.

Then:No bills to pay and the receptionist loaded me down with parting gifts: a sparkly purple toothbrush, bubble gum-flavored toothpaste, a smiley face sticker, and a cherry lollipop.
Now:I pay the bills. 'Nuff said.

Love stew

Boys and their Toys

Hello bloggers.....

what a great week it has been.The boys have broken up for the easter holidays and we continue to house hunt. All the advice seems to be around waiting it out awhile and picking up a bargain later in the year.. Here is the house we almost bought (We put an offer in and changed our minds)..http://reiwa.com/lst/lst-ressale-details.cfm?prop_no=29&searchRef=Ocean%20Reef&ID=2413314

James continues to play indoor cricket now it is winter and his team...The Sharks Everyone has to have nicknames on their shirts (It is the law in Australia) here is James with his mate, Jack 'Barks' Barker...(Everyone in Australia has a nickname...Everyone...arghhhhh)

Stephen is playing 'soccer' ...football, for Heathridge Soccer club, as is James. Here is Stephen, minus front teeth, with a team mate.

On Saturday evening we went to an Astronomical Society event and took the boys and their friends, Jack and Nathan...wow... we looked at the moon...mars...gas nebulas..?? all for $30 (13 quid) we followed that with a trip to the Joondalup show...(So great we went on Sunday too) Fab Four Beatles tribute....fireworks....break dancing...fairground rides...lots of food stallls.... oh and 30 degrees......Just like Birmingham on a Saturday.....

James and myself went to a birthday party at a great place called Lazer Corp, which is an outdoor lazer fighting venue...Great..... men and Boys allowed to run around shooting each other followed by a beer and Sausage sizzle (Regular term used here for a sausage based Barbie)...As you can see the boys look ready for action..lets hope they never have to do this for real...

It is always important to remember that real men and boys have done it for real and we have ANZAC Day to help everyone remember. For those in non Aussie countries ANZAC Day – 25 April – is probably Australia's most important national occasion. It marks the anniversary of the first major military action fought by Australian and New Zealand forces during the First World War. ANZAC stands for Australian and New Zealand Army Corps. The soldiers in those forces quickly became known as ANZACs, and the pride they soon took in that name endures to this day.
Stew

Man's little secrets

FIRST MAY I SAY....... YESSSSSSS

BARAK THE ALBION FAN
West Bromwich Albion Football Club...My beloved Albion (real pre 1990's fans call them Albion) are into the FA Cup Semi Final.

Supporting 'The Albion' has always been a great lesson in life. Despite all our plans, life chooses its own route...usually one that reminds us not to take things for granted...However, like all supporters of underdogs I still believe......I believe we will mess it up mostly..... but until then ....YESSSSSS..

Well I am really beginning to love Australia and find myself enjoying little differences more and more. Here are some observations.....I was sat waiting in my GP surgery (don't worry I was temporarily deaf due to swimmers ear)...what do mean you weren't worrying....Anyhow the waiting room scenario gives men the chance to indulge in one of their many little secret hobbies....Womens magazine reading....(Hello, cosmo, etc...) and I have concluded that liberation has well and truly arrived in Australia, however, as with everything over here a compromise to Aussy decency is made..For example a British article about the shrinking rain forest, becomes......'The endangered rain forest...good place for a shag, or not'. The thinning ozone worry becomes...'will ya bum get burned, if you're shagging in the rainforest'....most odd

Humans eternally do silly things the following article from the Western Australian press made even 'Albion' fans look 'normal'...

A 42-year-old man who became entangled in a tree while paragliding with his pet chihuahua east of Melbourne was rescued by emergency services after a five-hour search.
The paraglider set off on a routine flight with his chihuahua strapped to him from Donna Buang Summit Road, near Warburton, just before 5pm (AEDT) yesterday.
But shortly after take-off the pilot became entangled in a tree and called 000 from his mobile phone.

Local police began a ground search as a police helicopter scoured the area, and they eventually made contact with the uninjured man about 6.40pm.

He was dangling from a tree about 35 metres above the ground near Don Gap.

Police, ambulance paramedics, Country Fire Authority officers and State Emergency Service volunteers walked into the area and found the pilot about 9.15pm.

Police search and rescue officers climbed the tree, placed a harness around the man and carried him to safety an hour later.
The man was treated for cuts by paramedics and taken to the Maroondah Hospital for observation.

All I have to say is why the hell would you take your dog paragliding? but then again the Aussies...all tough, macho and cynical do seem to spoil their dogs...check out the following pictures and links...all genuine I promise..

(btw, 000 is Australian emergency number, same as 999 in THE uk)

http://www.fluppies.com.au/product.asp

BIG DOWN UNDER

Hello Everyone

Big love to Jackies Sister Angela who is recovering from a broken shoulder, suffered when on holiday where she tripped on her shoulder bag.....(I kid you not)....She was infact SOBER....

Rumour has it she had, however just seen two hunky spanish ambulance men..... Still if anyone wants a shoulder to cry on Angela's isn't going anywhere for a while.


We all wish Angela well and look forward to seeing her in Aus soon.

This week I thought I would explore what is 'Big Down Under'..... ooh err missus and attempt to cheer everyone up.

Well strangely, humour is alive and well. However not all of it intentional......as this picture at our local shopping centre shows....



Australia is a great country to visit, however it instills strange images for tourists and here is a collection of odd tourism requests and questions....
These questions about Australia were posted on an Australian Tourism website. Obviously the answers came from fellow Aussies.....just trying to help:

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow?
(UK) A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only four thousand miles, take lots of water...

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is north in Australia? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
A: No, WE don't stink.

Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?

Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.

Q: Are there killer bees in Australia? (Germany)
A: Not yet, but for you, we'll import them.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees.(USA)
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

Q: Will I be able to speek English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.


Well folks the Albion won...5-0 and are marching on to Wembley..(Will Jackie let me come back for the final)


Fremantle Dockers won the local Derby..All we need now is Man Utd to get beat and I am a happy chap.

Next week photos......


Stew