MEN AND SHOPPING

Hello I have emails asking for more personal stuff on 'life in Australia'

Let me know if you enjoy my writing style I am trying to improve.

Thursdays are generally family days, well family evenings actually. In Western Australia we only have ‘late night’ shopping on Thursday and as I and the children, tend to be playing sport on Saturdays. Thursdays have become our family shopping time…oh goody.

Last Thursday, Mrs Gill was in shoe-shopping mode, which means hours and hours of making some poor bloke in a cheap suit fetch endless boxes of more or less identical footwear and then deciding not to have anything, so I and the boys wisely decided to clear off and have a look at the toys, gadgets and other things that really interest men and boys.

To show her I love her, I first took her and the boys to the food court where we ate and she issued me with her usual precise instructions for a rendezvous. ‘Seven o’clock outside Woolworth’s. But listen – stop fiddling with that and listen - if Dingo & Wombat don’t have the shoes I want I’ll have to go to Beggs, in which case meet me at 7.15 by the frozen foods in the ING supermarket. Otherwise I’ll be in Angus & Robertson in the cookery books section or possibly the children’s books - unless I’m in Big W feeling toasters. But probably, in fact, I’ll be at Dingo & Wombat, trying on all the same shoes all over again, in which case meet me outside live clothing, no later than 7.27. Have you got that?’
‘Yes.’….(No).
‘Don’t let me down.’
‘Of course not.’ (In your dreams.)

I love shopping on my own and actually relish following a list supplied by my wife. However I hate the endless waiting for your other half and there is a universal look men give each other in shoe and clothing shops across the world.
Recently, in my local shopping centre, whilst waiting for Jackie to look at the same blouse for the tenth time I spotted a bloke in a suit sitting next to a pile of shopping bags. He had an enormous Australian beard – (Picture Billy Connelly) and the sort of world-weary look of someone who has long since abandoned hope of going home for a beer. ‘Have you been here long?’ I asked. He exhaled thoughtfully and said: ‘Put it this way mate. I was clean shaven when I got here.’ I just love that.

http://www.westfield.com/whitfordcit

STEWY

When Irish Eyes are Aussie

Hello blog lovers.

“slainte agus fad saol chughat is go b,fhaig tu pog anocht”

Happy Easter and St Patricks weekend.

I love my connection to the Irish. I married the daughter of Irish Parents, have wonderful Irish in-laws...'The McElroys' (Those of us Married to the McElroys were christened the 'Outlaws' by Bernadette, my wifes sister....we got our revenge by starting the 'I married a McElroy' Club...see t shirts...still available upon request) and two boys who know and love their Irish routes.

http://www.mcelroyclan.zoomshare.com/

The Irish tradition of travel has been a long one and helps those of us a long way from home feel somehow connected to an Irish culture. Often through the usual Irish theme pub, but more importantly through the work of enthusiastic individuals like those featured in this web site:

http://www.blarneybulletin.com/

Anyhow it is always great to pretend to be Irish if only for a day and I like the effect Guinness has on me, leaving me...full and satified...like a good Irish meal...

I was trying to find an Irish joke that didn't follow the drinking stereotype and came across this one...I liked it a lot....

A Dog’s Funeral
Muldoon, an Irish immigrant in Australia lived alone in the bush with only a pet dog for company. One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, “Father, me dog is dead. Could ya’ be saying a mass for the poor creature?”
Father Patrick replied, “I’m afraid not, we cannot have services for an animal in the church. But there are some methodists down the lane, and there’s no tellin’ what they believe. Maybe they’ll do something for the creature.
Muldoon said, “I’ll go right away, Father. Do ya’ think $5,000 is enough for donate for the service?”
Father Patrick exclaimed, “Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus? Why didn’t ya’ tell me the dog was Catholic?”

Love The Gills

Man's little secrets

FIRST MAY I SAY....... YESSSSSSS

BARAK THE ALBION FAN
West Bromwich Albion Football Club...My beloved Albion (real pre 1990's fans call them Albion) are into the FA Cup Semi Final.

Supporting 'The Albion' has always been a great lesson in life. Despite all our plans, life chooses its own route...usually one that reminds us not to take things for granted...However, like all supporters of underdogs I still believe......I believe we will mess it up mostly..... but until then ....YESSSSSS..

Well I am really beginning to love Australia and find myself enjoying little differences more and more. Here are some observations.....I was sat waiting in my GP surgery (don't worry I was temporarily deaf due to swimmers ear)...what do mean you weren't worrying....Anyhow the waiting room scenario gives men the chance to indulge in one of their many little secret hobbies....Womens magazine reading....(Hello, cosmo, etc...) and I have concluded that liberation has well and truly arrived in Australia, however, as with everything over here a compromise to Aussy decency is made..For example a British article about the shrinking rain forest, becomes......'The endangered rain forest...good place for a shag, or not'. The thinning ozone worry becomes...'will ya bum get burned, if you're shagging in the rainforest'....most odd

Humans eternally do silly things the following article from the Western Australian press made even 'Albion' fans look 'normal'...

A 42-year-old man who became entangled in a tree while paragliding with his pet chihuahua east of Melbourne was rescued by emergency services after a five-hour search.
The paraglider set off on a routine flight with his chihuahua strapped to him from Donna Buang Summit Road, near Warburton, just before 5pm (AEDT) yesterday.
But shortly after take-off the pilot became entangled in a tree and called 000 from his mobile phone.

Local police began a ground search as a police helicopter scoured the area, and they eventually made contact with the uninjured man about 6.40pm.

He was dangling from a tree about 35 metres above the ground near Don Gap.

Police, ambulance paramedics, Country Fire Authority officers and State Emergency Service volunteers walked into the area and found the pilot about 9.15pm.

Police search and rescue officers climbed the tree, placed a harness around the man and carried him to safety an hour later.
The man was treated for cuts by paramedics and taken to the Maroondah Hospital for observation.

All I have to say is why the hell would you take your dog paragliding? but then again the Aussies...all tough, macho and cynical do seem to spoil their dogs...check out the following pictures and links...all genuine I promise..

(btw, 000 is Australian emergency number, same as 999 in THE uk)

http://www.fluppies.com.au/product.asp

Hi blog fans.....(I sound like a Perth radio DJ....more of them later)

Well, it has been a strange week.

My wife tells me I am officially a grumpy old Man as it is my birthday this week......You be the judge.

The Cricket season finished and we won, with little (well.. not so little) me winning Man (well..not very manly) of the match.....The skipper has only played with me for 6 weeks and has almost suffered a nervous breakdown (He has lost 10 kilo since I returned...maybe 'the Gill influence' diet book could be a big seller)

The problem is that, I am still hopelessly addicted to Cricket and have found myself playing a little below my standard...(Picture Rambo turning up in Dad's Army) and I do like to remind everyone about this...especially the opposition who tend not to take kindly to a pom 'taking the piss' (This week an opposition opener who looked like Phil Collins was driven mad by my saying 'he'll hit it in the air tonight' and 'come on lads Buster gut to get him out')...Oh come on.., however the Captain has to put up with my demands to bowl and bat when I want to every week.

Having spoken to an old Cricketing colleague this week, I realise I DO HAVE A PROBLEM...I am Cricket addict who cannot even contemplate a day when I will stop and still dreams he might play for England or Australia...(Of course in Gill world I am still good enough)...now do you see my dilemma...by the way none of this is a joke.......ANY ADVICE PLEASE....

The rest of the week has, however been good apart from the inane radio hosts who drive me mad...arghhhhhh!!!

For example Woken by the radio alarm this morning (and every morning because my radio is broken) by Some inane DJ's saying "Rise and shine, campers, and don't forget your booties 'cause it's coooold out there today."...No it wasn't it was 30 bloody degrees when I woke and it has been 30 plus for 6weeks.... arghhhhh....Oh but it gets worse because my Children 6 & 12 think that this DJ and his colleague are comedy geniuses....

One part of the show consists of a 'gotcha' call ....you know where unsuspecting members of the public are telephoned by the radio host...all standard fayre but NO, this guy specialises in getting the listener to impersonate animals....'Hello, we have had a complaint, from your neighbours, about your dog/Cat/Kangaroo/Cow/ Chickens..(Really) making too much noise. Can you let me hear what it usually sounds like.' and they always....ALWAYS oblige...My kids are crying with laughter...I am just crying.....
The other thing the radio stations do, is play the same songs for weeks...kill meeeeee

Check the B******s out yourself http://www.929.com.au/

Tonight, I go to the Cricket Club awards night and much drinking will take place, as anyone who knows me will tell you I am no drinker in fact when I went for a drink with my pommie mate, Kevin and asked for a shandy for him and a white wine and soda for myself the barman asked...(genuinely) if I wanted a ladies glass.

A friend of mine sent this to me, he bought a LIGHT beer in Meekatharra - about 650km North-East of Perth. Attached is the receipt he recieved... this is of course why all Aussie men drink FULL STRENGTH beer.

Love as always Stew